Life after DEATH, Of course many people have many different options to themselves. Religion Fanatic will tell me that The Lord will carry you home. Atheist tell me you plain simple die as that it. Some say you ReInCaRnAtIoN. My mother always tell me that before her mother tell her that belief were that this is really- HELL, that all how this world is, but when you die with a Sin, you will come back in different lifetime. If you die with cleanse, you will go to HEAVEN. Personally, as logically thinking, I know is unknown to us. I always feel if I die, will time go f-a-s-t-e-r? Will world come to an. END.? Will I ever stop completely? People have right to Fear Death. I never fear of death before. Not once. I have try to claim my life, but I fail because I try to die with such an suffering death. I stare at Death, but it doesn't flinch what I done. People said, you crazy if not to be fear death. Wise man once said, "There nothing to fear but fear itself."  Even with that, To not fear, it to death. Why? Because you have lack of Desire to live, Motivation to create, and Hope to love. Back in my mind there always there for it reason of believing not to Fear death. It not a sign of toughness.. It more of sign of accepting it, embrace it, and demand it. Today, I believe there IS something life after Death, but I know it not the time to learn it. I will pull welcome mat back inside and flip death off. It not time to know what after life.. It is time for Present today to do.

      My life is like a coin. Head and tail, but I almost never show my tail side life. It been long time since I remember what happen when I show it. My life is being great and wonderful with a good future-wife.

      However, sometime I feel so, empty. I never understand it why, but I feel so peaceful and I miss my other side, but for reason I feel I know I hurt or endanger my friend or people if my other side show. I never know him, but I feel I need him. I feel that I am in love with him. Not a passion, not a romance, but feel secure and peaceful.

      It feel wrong, but I don't understand it. It just I want to meet him or even embarce him. I feel hurt everyday that I do not know why. I just feel the pain and desire for death. Sometime I just want to be alone and I know I cannot lose my sane if I do. I feel peaceful and I know I feel secure.

      My thought of DEATH, My thought of pain, My thought of  I n C o M p L e T e ,  and even worse, My thought of HATED. I don't hate anyone. I like anyone who around me. To make me feel needed, but my own self feel I hated and diswanted anyone who try to help me. I feel that I need his help more than anyone, but I feel more love, but cold as same time.  It like a Yin-Yang.

       I know it disturb, but that what I feel. I don't want lose myself, but I feel my life endanger. What do you think? I just don't understand what happen to me. I have a great life, but at the same time, I feel insecure.

      Everyday I get up, sometime I feel like I am in denial of what my life have prepare for me. I look back and realize... am I still dreaming?
     What is to dream? I try to remember if I have ever sit and think back of those dream I have. I always believe it the same dream cycle over and over and over. I have remember same dream back when I was a child because it a never-ending dream to accomplished, but with only different faces.
      I ask you, how it is I know the face in my dream, but where other faces come from? I don't remember them, but I am sure my brain have scan crowd since I become 16 because it habit of mine to see what is out there.. I know their face, but I don't know who their are, but yet I know them. At first it doesn't bother me, but then realize, some people I notice them before. In my dream.
     Again, I don't remember if I have a dream. It stated fact that when you wake up, within 10 min, you pretty much forget you ever dream in first place. Why it is I forget, but when I dream it cycle same different kind of dream? It never change event, it never change my reaction of my respond, but only change people I dream of.
      Fantasy is safe place, but not escape. I want to denial Reality. Reality is a blurred of Fantasy that people wish to make, but Reality hit them too. People escape to Fantasy everyday to get sense of relief and enjoyment. I escape to try to learn how deal with Reality. My Fantasy is my Reality, but also I create a path to believe there IS reality in fantasy. Everyone have it own path to Fantasy to escape, but reality they know there is no such thing.