My life is like a coin. Head and tail, but I almost never show my tail side life. It been long time since I remember what happen when I show it. My life is being great and wonderful with a good future-wife.

      However, sometime I feel so, empty. I never understand it why, but I feel so peaceful and I miss my other side, but for reason I feel I know I hurt or endanger my friend or people if my other side show. I never know him, but I feel I need him. I feel that I am in love with him. Not a passion, not a romance, but feel secure and peaceful.

      It feel wrong, but I don't understand it. It just I want to meet him or even embarce him. I feel hurt everyday that I do not know why. I just feel the pain and desire for death. Sometime I just want to be alone and I know I cannot lose my sane if I do. I feel peaceful and I know I feel secure.

      My thought of DEATH, My thought of pain, My thought of  I n C o M p L e T e ,  and even worse, My thought of HATED. I don't hate anyone. I like anyone who around me. To make me feel needed, but my own self feel I hated and diswanted anyone who try to help me. I feel that I need his help more than anyone, but I feel more love, but cold as same time.  It like a Yin-Yang.

       I know it disturb, but that what I feel. I don't want lose myself, but I feel my life endanger. What do you think? I just don't understand what happen to me. I have a great life, but at the same time, I feel insecure.